Depressed again?

Since 2001 I fought a never ending battle with depression. I went on meds last year around June, and they helped tremendously. I no longer cried at the drop of a hat. I had more energy. I was more creative. I no longer had the desire to hurt myself. I didn't have manic episodes or bad anxiety attacks.

I went off my meds in December because I had quit my job and no longer had insurance. I weened myself over a period of 6 weeks so the side effects weren't that bad. Since then it hasn't been so bad. But I've been feeling myself slowly going off the deep end. I'm tired all the time again. I'm weepy. I'm impatient. I've been making lists again. Right now I have 5 journals going with crap written in them. Not even lists that make sense or mean anything in the long run. I just make the same list over and over again, and never refer back to it when I should. I just make the list again. I've been screaming at Joey a lot and getting irritated very easily. I've been doubting myself as a person and my worth. Why should I bother doing anything? I'm not that great at anything I do, it's a waste of my time.

I don't count for anything, really. I'm just the face in the background that nobody wants to look at or talk to. I'm practically worthless for crying out loud.

Like, I want to scrap. I want to enter the CK HOF contest. But should I really bother? I would just be embarassing myself. Best not to waste my time.

And, I want to buy myself something. Again, should I really bother? Why waste my money on something that I'm going to use and not even use it in a good way? I'm really kind of generic when it comes to scrapping. I can't do anything original or unique. I'm too tired and lazy to try new techniques.

Weird - it's mostly the whole "i'm a shitty scrapbooker" thing that has me down. I'm not looking for a pity party. This is really how I feel. Like I should totally give up and throw my shit in the garbage. Quit wasting my time and money.